she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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