These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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