Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How naked do you want me to be?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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