I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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