Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize