I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize