Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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