No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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