Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize