no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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