This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
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Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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