She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
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i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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