Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
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I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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