Cold hands, warm shart.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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