Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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