I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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