were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
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Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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