You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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