I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize