evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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