How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
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ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
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I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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