I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
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That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sorry about my life...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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