I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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