I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shit smells like andre
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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