you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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