I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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