your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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