I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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