found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
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I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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