Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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