good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize