pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
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this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
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You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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