Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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