Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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