I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
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We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
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You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize