How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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