Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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