you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize