I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
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You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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