my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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