you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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