I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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