Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
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