So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize