bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize