I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
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I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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