is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
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I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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