Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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