This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
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You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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