totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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